The Holidays

Thoughts as we begin to enter another Holiday Season......

One thing I love about living on the East Coast, after growing up in Arizona for the first 18 years of my life, is that the change in weather truly signifies the continual passing of time. While it hasn’t been the ~most~ traditional fall in New England this year, the ever-growing crisp air that greets me in the morning as I walk to the bus stop on the way to work never fails to remind me that we are finally entering into the Holiday Season.

Or maybe it’s that the Sun sets at 4 P.M. Who knows?

Besides the traditionally warmer weather during this time of year in Arizona, the holidays have always been an interesting time for me. Some of my earliest memories are filled with Thanksgiving lunch at my Grandma’s, my parents hosting a beautiful and fun Christmas Eve party, and spending the morning of Christmas playing with the newest and greatest present I received that year, while my dad happily filmed my brother and I to memorialize those moments.

As I got older, and soccer became more serious, my Thanksgiving’s turned into 5-6 hour car rides to Las Vegas or Southern California for another weekend tournament. While I missed turkey, mashed potatoes, and pie at my Grandma’s, I would happily share a Domino’s pizza with a few of my teammates in whatever hotel we found ourselves in that year.

My parents got divorced after my 8th grade graduation, so Christmas Eve and Christmas Day turned into splitting time at different houses and having to plan out schedules weeks in advance to try and make everyone happy. While we all did our best, truly, I think we all missed the ease of not having to split time and just all be together.

For the five years that I have been in Boston, I have only been back home for Thanksgiving twice. Sophomore year I spent in New Hampshire at my friend Seth’s house, having a wonderful time with a few of us from college and his family. Junior year I enjoyed pasta and wine in a dorm room at BC with a small group of friends who also didn’t go home for the holiday. Last year I spent Thanksgiving in New Jersey with a wonderful group of people and probably the most “traditional” Thanksgiving meal I’ve had in a while.

While there have been some small traditions during the holidays that I have had with my family throughout the years, I always felt like it was nothing compared to what some of my friends, especially in college, had talked about with their families. We never ran a Turkey Trot, played drinking or card games, had the same specific meal, or partake in some grandiose or momentous activity that everyone in the family participated in.

And while there are definitely some extenuating circumstances that contributed to that, I really think my feelings around that stemmed from my short-sightedness and allowing comparison to be a thief of some amount of gratitude.

I’m not saying I was ever ungrateful for having the privilege to go home and spend time with my family during the holidays and take a break from the chaos and business of college and now the working world. I always have and always will cherish my ability to do that. But, I think the passing of my mom earlier this year has really put a lot into perspective for me.

While I was never able to express it growing up, and I would like to hope it was there subconsciously, the past few years since I’ve been in Boston have really made me realize what I deeply and genuinely value about the holidays: being around those that I love and those who love me.

Whether it was enjoying a Domino’s pizza in a random hotel in Las Vegas, sharing a glass of wine while having wonderful conversations in a Boston College dorm room, or even just sitting on the couch next to my grandfather watching football, I have come to realize that it was never about the place or the “traditions” that I did around the holidays that make it meaningful for me. It was, is, and always will be the wonderful people in my life that I get to spend time with during the holidays. And, the sacrifices we all make so that none of us spend the holiday season alone or without some show of love and affection.

I think this mindset, and being able to truly recognize and feel it, is especially important for me this year as this is the first holiday season that I won’t be able to spend time with my mom. And to be completely honest, I would forgo receiving a physical present for the rest of my life if it meant I could spend one more Christmas morning with her. But while I can’t change that reality, one thing that she instilled in me and that I have learned from this past year, is that by spending time with my brother, dad, grandparents, and other loved ones this year and every year moving forward, I can continue to honor her and her legacy and hopefully feel her love embracing me through the love I receive from other people.

The holiday season this year will be extremely difficult, not only for me, but for the whole family as well. I know that we will all lean on each other to get through the grief. But embracing the grief, and sharing in it with others, is how we are able to know that my mom is still with us there in spirit.

So, wherever you find yourself this Holiday Season, enjoy and embrace it. Be thankful for the people in your life, especially those that you get to spend quality time with. And know that I extend a warm embrace and lots of peace and love to you and your loved ones during this time of year.